The dating game is often one filled with challenging levels, countless lives, banana peels being thrown at you figuratively, and at times, literally. There are no power-up stars that make us greater than we truly are. Now imagine dating when you have a mental illness.
My dating history is probably a lot like yours. You date, learn their favorite color, fall for them, and vise versa. At first, all the basic promises are made. You promise to accept each other as you are, to be together till you’re old and gray, and not to be bothered by their incessant snoring. Then the real you starts oozing out of your pores. Your insecurities come out, the fights start, and neither party finds the relationship worthy of fighting for. This is modern day dating.
The Dating Game: Depressed Edition.
An article on Everyday Health goes through the symptoms of depression such as lack of energy, loss of libido, and social withdrawal and how it negatively affects relationships. Women show symptoms of depression through sadness, lack in self-worth, and guilt, while men may show it with anger and frustration.
As a woman who battles these demons every day, I can tell you that dating out-right sucks. All of the failed attempts act as a reminder of how unlovable you feel. I make my failed relationships solely my burden to carry, even though I know there were two people involved. Dating takes my self-esteem on a rollercoaster ride that has more drops than turns.
Fortunately, I have learned some tips to keep those thoughts at bay and I’d like to share them with you.
- Practice mindfulness. This sounds like new-age hipster stuff, but it works. Psychology Today describes mindfulness as being open to the present and living in the moment. You can achieve this through meditation and/or therapy. Start by taking a few deep breaths while focusing on your emotions without judging yourself.
- If you’re single, remember that things did not work out for a reason. Now, I’m not saying that some higher power has the perfect partner waiting for you at church, I’m saying that maybe you were not ready for a serious relationship because you need to work on yourself. This brings me to my next point…
- Self love. You need to reach a level of self love that is high enough to withstand losing someone you love, but never yourself. It is easier said than done, I know, but it’s achievable through mindful thoughts and positive daily affirmations.
- Don’t blame yourself. We love to place all the blame of our failed relationships on ourselves. You think at times you’re too much; too sensitive, too insecure, too needy. In reality, they weren’t equipped to deal with someone who is different, yet equally lovable.
- The moment you wake up, right before you start your routine of checking your social media and brushing your teeth, take a moment. Breathe and be thankful for everything that you DO have. Set a positive tone for the day. Sometimes when the first thing we do is check our social media, we can see something that triggers us, whether it be a sad quote, pictures of happy couples, or someone you compare yourself to. If you are not mentally prepared to dismiss those negative thoughts, it can ruin your whole day. Your thumb can wait, delay the scrolling for a few minutes in the morning.
- Finally, spend meaningful time with meaningful people. We all have people who love us and want to spend time with us. Enjoy those around you while you wait for the future love of your life to show up. They’ll come; they’re just running late.
Anxiety, Depression, and Other Fun Things 