I have written about my personal experience with anxiety and depression before, but I have not covered how this affects my family and those closest to me. A lot of times, those of us who have mental issues tend to only think about ourselves and not how we affect our loved ones. At times I feel self-centered and selfish when I realize that I only focus on my problems.

 My family loves me very much, and I know at times it can be hard for them to see me during my lowest moments. I know this, because my sister also has depression. It is a pretty awful feeling to have a good day, then see that she is struggling to make it through the day. I understand how it’s like and seeing her go through the same thing kills me. There is always a silver lining though. Because I understand her, I can be a source of help in her life and vise versa.

If you think that a loved one might be going through depression, read up on how to know if someone in your life shows signs and symptoms. An article in mayoclinic.org says that symptoms vary from person to person and they can include:

• Changes in sleep (insomnia or sleeping too much)
• Irritability, getting angry over small stuff
• Anxiety and restlessness
• Talking about dying/ suicide, even joking too often can be a sign.
• Trouble remembering things
• Slowed thinking, or body movements

Now that the signs are known, there are some things you can do to show support:

• Listen, listen, listen. Actually take interest in what the other person is saying without judgment.
• Get that person out if you can. Go for a walk or coffee with them.
• Ask questions in order to understand that person. This will open up the lines of communication and make the other person feel heard.
• Encourage treatment. If you feel that this person needs professional help or is on the verge of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
• Give positive reinforcement. People with mental illnesses are very hard on themselves. Sometimes they need to be reminded of how much they mean to the world.
• Learn about mental disorders. The more you understand the person and what they’re going through, the better you will be able to help.
• Have patience! Depression and anxiety can be helped. It might take a while to find the best treatment, but they will get there with love, support, and patience. Remember that it is no one’s fault.

This article on healthgrades.com goes through tips as well, but they cover something vital that isn’t talked about often. This is what NOT TO DO:

• Don’t tell them to “just be happy,” or smile. I hate when people do that. I don’t have a “happy switch” that I can turn on when I’m sad.
• Do not pressure that person into doing things. Offer to take them out or talk, but don’t push. If they are not ready, they are not ready.
• Don’t ignore someone’s cries for help. They can be subtle things like bad jokes about dying or being distant. They may not ask for help, but it doesn’t mean they don’t need it.
• Don’t downplay mental illness. Don’t imply that the person is weak or a burden because they can’t control their emotions.
• Do not judge or criticize. This should be obvious, but for some people it is not. It can cause more depressive symptoms and worsen their mental standing.

No one is perfect, and we all have our demons. Be kind, Be patient, Be love.

Quarantined much?

Yeah, me three. This virus took over so fast, it made our heads spin. Our lives were changed drastically. We went from laughing at Coronavirus memes to hoarding toilet paper real quick. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is going through something right now. Those of us at home are lost because the days are starting to bleed into each other while the essentials have to go out into this new dangerous world, risking their health every day.

I don’t think that stress levels have been as high for everyone as they are now. The CDC website has information on how to cope with mental health during this pandemic. They list some issues that may arise during the outbreak that include changes in sleep and eating patterns, difficulty concentrating, fear and anxiety over your health or the health of loved ones, and increased use of alcohol, tobacco or drugs.

I can attest to everything stated above. My sleep pattern has been completely bonkers. I have been drinking as if it’s Friday every day, and I am just moodier in general. I realize now that I am losing control because of the lack of structure in my life recently. So, to help myself and any other strangers out there reading this little old blog, I’m listing some tips on how to keep our head screwed in for as long as this incarceration lasts.

1. Have a schedule. Now, I’m not saying to have your whole day planned, but make sure that you have an idea of what and when things need to be done. For example, if you have to pay your bills, or finish homework, make sure you set a date and time to do them. Doing this ensures that you stay a somewhat responsible adult while the world crumbles around you.
2. Go outside. Please use common sense and stay away from those hoards of people that seem to be turning a blind eye to the fact that thousands are being infected daily. An article from UVA Today says that sunlight and being around trees benefits your mood greatly. A little fresh air is good for the soul, especially now that the air is cleaner because of less pollution.
3. Don’t spend all of your time on social media, for the love of God! It will rot your brain. There is more that you can be doing than looking at the same quarantine memes. You don’t need to constantly watch TikToks of celebrities being bored in their huge mansions.
4. If you feel like you are totally losing it, reach out to someone. The wonderful thing about phones nowadays is that you can video chat with most people in a second. Have a laugh with a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, catch up during quarantine. Everyone is bored, so I am sure that conversations will go great for most people.
5. Stop watching or reading the news excessively. We get it…Coronavirus is taking over the world. There’s no need to remind yourself every hour of how scary the world is right now. Watch something funny on Netflix. Trust me it helps. No one can take laughter away.
6. Don’t stray too far from self-care. Pajamas are all the rage nowadays, but not showering and dressing up can really affect your mood and keep you feeling bummy all day. Self-care includes physical activity, not eating all of your quarantine snacks at once, and practicing mindfulness.
7. Expect to have low moments. As much as we try, we will always have moments where we feel hopeless. Remember that they are fleeting moments full of anxiety and fear. We are all on the same boat. When you feel a bad moment coming on, shift your focus to something positive, whether it be a loving family member or something special you are looking forward to when this is all over.
8.  Focus on the good in the world right now. With everything that is bad, there is a lot of good right now too. There are helpers and volunteers everywhere. Humanity is showing its true colors, and we are kind. Not everything is bad right now, remember that.
9. Find anything to do. A new hobby, a new book to read, anything. Draw, color, do a puzzle. There are so many things you can shift your attention to. Maybe you are more creative than you thought.
10. Find humor in life. For me, humor is what is keeping me sane. Watch comedy shows, read funny books, watch funny movies, laugh! Call your funny friend.

Everyone, especially those of us with previously crossed wires in our brain, need to remember that this is temporary. It may seem as if we’re living the same day over and over again, but there is an end to this. The uncertainty we all carry is heavy, so lets all carry it together.

You know that feeling when your heart is beating so fast it seems like it’s going to explode out of your chest? Some people only feel like that when their adrenaline is pumping, and they are in a stressful situation. For me, and many others with anxiety, you feel like that at least once a day. At times it feels like you’re seeing the world in a hyper-focused mode. I hear my heartbeat in my ear, reminding me that things can and will go wrong at any given moment. The constant fidgeting and failure to stay still puts even more of a spotlight on you. In this moment you feel as if everyone and their mother is staring at you; judging you. I’ve had friends lay a hand on my shoulder to stop me from rocking back and forth. I don’t even know when I’m doing it, but I know it’s a form of self-soothing.

The National Institute of Mental Health does a great job of explaining what anxiety is. Anxiety is how your body deals with stress. Disorders that deal with anxiety are more than temporary fear and worry. Usually it doesn’t go away and can get worse over time.  

Take a deep breath, my friend. There are ways to cope with anxiety.

First things first. You need to find out why you feel the way you feel. An article on Healthline says that identifying your triggers is the most important step to learning how to cope and manage anxiety.

This means you have to take a serious look at yourself and do some work to figure out what makes you tick. It doesn’t come easy though. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what exactly is bothering you at the moment. Take my cyber hand and let’s go through some ways we can deal with this disorder together.

1. Breathe, child, Breathe! Techniques that use counting breaths have been proven to lower your heart rate and calm you down. Inhale the good, exhale the bad.
2. When you start feeling nervous and anxious, write down what you feel. Whether it be on your phone or on a piece of paper, write it down! Analyze your situation at the moment. Think of your day and the activities you’ve done so far. Therein lies your trigger.
3. Go for a walk. Sometimes we don’t have time to exercise, but you can find time for a 10-minute walk. Clearing your head might give you answers as to what is making you anxious.
4. Be careful with what you eat or drink. A lot of us need coffee to function, but it tends to give us the jitters. This will only exacerbate your feelings of anxiety. Sugar is also a food demon that makes us hyper.
5. Before you decide to take anti-anxiety medications, try the natural route. Supplements like valerian root and magnesium are known to calm people down.
6. Try meditating. The moment you feel like you’re losing yourself, close your eyes and meditate. Think of something that brings you peace, whether it be your puppy, or eating chocolate. There is always something out there that will bring you joy.

Sometimes our anxiety gets so bad that it causes panic attacks. Symptoms can include shortness of breath, feelings of impending doom, rapid heart rate, stomach aches, and hyperventilation. If this happens to you often, it might be time to visit your doctor and go over your options.

Take solace in knowing that you are not the only one going through all of this. It helps to know that you aren’t an outsider; there’s many of us out there.

The dating game is often one filled with challenging levels, countless lives, banana peels being thrown at you figuratively, and at times, literally. There are no power-up stars that make us greater than we truly are. Now imagine dating when you have a mental illness.

My dating history is probably a lot like yours. You date, learn their favorite color, fall for them, and vise versa. At first, all the basic promises are made. You promise to accept each other as you are, to be together till you’re old and gray, and not to be bothered by their incessant snoring. Then the real you starts oozing out of your pores. Your insecurities come out, the fights start, and neither party finds the relationship worthy of fighting for. This is modern day dating.

The Dating Game: Depressed Edition.

An article on Everyday Health goes through the symptoms of depression such as lack of energy, loss of libido, and social withdrawal and how it negatively affects relationships. Women show symptoms of depression through sadness, lack in self-worth, and guilt, while men may show it with anger and frustration.  

As a woman who battles these demons every day, I can tell you that dating out-right sucks. All of the failed attempts act as a reminder of how unlovable you feel. I make my failed relationships solely my burden to carry, even though I know there were two people involved. Dating takes my self-esteem on a rollercoaster ride that has more drops than turns.

Fortunately, I have learned some tips to keep those thoughts at bay and I’d like to share them with you.

• Practice mindfulness. This sounds like new-age hipster stuff, but it works. Psychology Today describes mindfulness as being open to the present and living in the moment. You can achieve this through meditation and/or therapy. Start by taking a few deep breaths while focusing on your emotions without judging yourself.
• If you’re single, remember that things did not work out for a reason. Now, I’m not saying that some higher power has the perfect partner waiting for you at church, I’m saying that maybe you were not ready for a serious relationship because you need to work on yourself. This brings me to my next point…
• Self love. You need to reach a level of self love that is high enough to withstand losing someone you love, but never yourself. It is easier said than done, I know, but it’s achievable through mindful thoughts and positive daily affirmations.
• Don’t blame yourself. We love to place all the blame of our failed relationships on ourselves. You think at times you’re too much; too sensitive, too insecure, too needy. In reality, they weren’t equipped to deal with someone who is different, yet equally lovable.
• The moment you wake up, right before you start your routine of checking your social media and brushing your teeth, take a moment. Breathe and be thankful for everything that you DO have. Set a positive tone for the day. Sometimes when the first thing we do is check our social media, we can see something that triggers us, whether it be a sad quote, pictures of happy couples, or someone you compare yourself to. If you are not mentally prepared to dismiss those negative thoughts, it can ruin your whole day. Your thumb can wait, delay the scrolling for a few minutes in the morning.
• Finally, spend meaningful time with meaningful people. We all have people who love us and want to spend time with us. Enjoy those around you while you wait for the future love of your life to show up. They’ll come; they’re just running late.

Feeling sad sometimes is normal, and a natural human emotion. We all have off-days. The question is: When does it become a problem?

The National Institute of Mental Health states that depression is caused by a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors. Whatever the cause, anxiety and depression takes a major toll on the lives of its victims. You can have one without the other, but a lot of times, the two go hand-in-hand like sadistic twins from a scary movie. Now, back to the million-dollar question: When does the basic human emotion known as sadness become a problem? In my opinion, it’s time to get help when you can’t find even an ounce of motivation to get out of bed. It is a problem when you stopped enjoying the things you once found fun. It is a problem when you start having dark and lonely thoughts intertwined with hopelessness like vines pulling you into an abyss.

As if that isn’t enough trouble for one person, somebody invited depression’s ugly sister, anxiety, to the party.  Anxiety likes to play games with your head. It makes you think you’re not good enough and every single person who compliments you is lying. It makes a crowd of people you have to approach seem like an incoming tidal wave of rapid heartbeats and overthinking “hellos.” Anxiety is burning a few extra calories from the constant fidgeting and bouncing of your leg. Anxiety is the mean girl who called you fat, except now she whispers it every time you’re not sure about your outfit.

Luckily for humanity, there are things we can do to battle our biggest, nastiest demons. It is important for those suffering from anxiety and depression to remember they are not alone, as cliché as it sounds. These are the most common mental disorders in the U.S., and there are many people who are also going through the ringer. It may feel like you burned the last match inside your cave, but trust me, there is light inside that darkness.

Now that you know you’re well accompanied, here are some things you can start doing to recover at least a sliver of your old self:

1. Make your body cry. Yes, I mean sweat. Exercise can help increase endorphins and give you a happy kick in the pants.
2. Find activities you enjoy, other than crying to sad music and pretending you’re in the music video. If you enjoy music, find a live show by local artists. You can read, learn an instrument, make jewelry, draw, learn to dance or cook, etc. There are so many things out there that you may not even know you’re into.
3. Talk to someone. Go on a coffee date with a friend, go to the movies, have dinner, and reconnect with society. People suck sometimes, but they can also be a beautiful addition to your life.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others on social media, or anywhere else. A study reported by Psychiatric Times says that individuals with anxiety are more likely to make social comparisons, therefore perceiving themselves as lesser-than.
5. If you need help, get help. There is no shame in taking anti-depressants or going to therapy. Let go of the social stigma that society places on you to try and go through this alone because of shame. Seeking help is brave, and something to be proud of.

For more information on getting adequate help visit https://www.nami.org/ or call 1-800-950-6264